Your #1 playlist of the year was Rants about chronic medical issues from your relatives.
The person who appeared the most in your mind this year was Your College Buddy Who’s Now a Life Coach Despite Never Succeeding at Anything. Let’s play two truths and a lie. Tap the false statement.
How well do you know you? We’re talking the 3am, popped a couple Vicodins, covered in a weighted blanket, music with no lights on you. (All the better to monetize you with my dear. Your mind aura is Prince Harry Talking To Oprah. It’s a VR/AI/gaslighting-your-cerebellum kinda thing.
In a year like 2021, even your mind gets a vibe check. Click here to receive a Groupon deal on a dermatologist close to you. Because your skin is awful! Have you considered a dermatologist? It could be time for some Botox. You deserve a playlist as long as your skincare routine. #4 That guy you met at a wellness event who’s either extremely enlightened or suffering from severe trauma #3 Some girl in a bikini 👙 who wants to “sex you” on WhatsApp #1 Your ex (They seem really happy now, don’t they?) Here were your top follows on social media based on the cookies we use to follow you around the internet: But honestly, lighten up.īut that wasn’t the only thing rattling around your mind… You played it a very reasonable 653 times. You had one song on repeat. Your top song of the year was “Masters of War” by Bob Dylan. You’re broke though so let’s just move on. This section is where we make fun of NFTs even though we’re totally the kinda people who are into NFTs. Wait, let’s reframe that: You’re now a remote worker with a side hustle who loves wearing athleisure ! Way to go! We lululove it! You became a shut-in with two jobs who loves wearing sweatpants all day. DMX, Jay-Z, Ja Rule, Missy Elliot, and Elon Musk. The song playing as your proclaim your love in the rain: “Back That Ass Up (Remix)” 🔙 🍑 by Juvenile Feat. Also, why are you in a dance crew? 👯♀️ And why does your dance crew have rivals? Maybe tone down your aggro moonwalk moves, playa. The song playing as you face-off against your rival dance-crew: Something by Taylor Swift, probably. The opening credits theme: An anti-vaccine rant by some guy you met at a conference once who does his “research” on YouTube and now hosts a podcast. #corporationsthatlove #stophate ✋🏾✋🏼)Īnd what’s a movie without a soundtrack? It’s art house crap for dorks who enjoy subtitles. It’s okay, we’re a multinational corporation seeking to maximize profits yet here we are acting like this is a group text between old friends so, y’know, l’chaim! (And Happy Kwanzaa and Indigenous Peoples' Day too. If 2021 was a movie, you were the main character because you’re a big ol’ narcissist and it’s all 👏 about 👏 you 👏. And…action! Let’s roll! Or to our Hispanix friends: Vámonos!
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